Wat do I do to make him love me back?I am so full of despair. Oh God! Pls HELP me.Wat wrong have I ever done to anyone, tht u r hurting me like this? Wat kind of punishment is this?

I can’t have Him yet I can’t 4get Him n move on with my life.I am still standing at the corner where He left me…I see moving past me. I see LIFE moving ahead.

I just wanna know if i cant have him y dont u assist me in forgetting him. Why dont u? U know we cant be together, then y the hell did u bring us 2gether in the first place? Why ? Why? Why?

Kis baat ki saza hai yeh? Why r u doing this to me, Oh God?U r benevolent, pls forgive me 4 anything i might have done wrong. I repent over it but pls 4 heavens sake just make this hurt go away… I cant, I cant live like this. It hurts too much.

when You shut your eyes you feel lonely, when you open them it’s worse…

i feel wierd. Claire talks just the way I do. i guess there r millions of other women who think, speak n act the same way.

Hmmm….Interesting!!!

I am currently reading Ruskin Bond’s “Collected Fiction”. I am so proud to possess a copy of it. Though it made a hole in my purse ( costed me Rs 395) But believe me its worth every penny. I just love his stiries though some ppl might categorise his work under Children’s Literature. I dont consider him so. I think he is a gr8 writeer , an amzing story teller.Though he hasnt got the respect n admiration that is due to him i think that Penguins effort to bring out a collected edition of his works is a step towards the right direction.

I am also reading Paulo Coelho’s “Like A Flowing River”. It’s a collection of Coelho’s reflection n short stories.The stories are so simple yet the message conveyed through them is  profound.This is a sign of true genius.

My dad has asked me to read Mnai Bhaumik’s “Code Name God”.But I want to start with “My Name Is Red” by Orhan Pamuk. But i dont think i wud be able to read it up this month becoz I am already in a financial crunch after spending half of my pocket money on books. I have to be wise abt my finances. I cant squander away my meagre pocket money. I am yet to buy the books suggested by my profs in college. Damn I hate the libraries they never have the books “in ” wen u need them . I had to reserve so many books n I had to pay for each bookI reserve. I have membership in three libraries. Well two r my college’s but they do count , dont u think ?Even BCL didnt have the books I needed. This isnt surprising considering the fact that all my class mates r hunting for the same text as I am.

The thing is that i like to keep copies of any book that i read. So i have a copy of all the books tht were in my course. I have some which were not part of the course yet i have copies of them coz i luv reading n collecting books. I dream of owning my own library one day.

Well u know wat wen i was in school i used to dream abt reading n collecting all the MB’s in the world. He he he he , funny na?We all were kids some day,right?Anyways enough of cribbing.

That I would be good even if I did nothing
That I would be good even if I got the thumbs down
That I would be good if I got and stayed sick
That  I would be good even if I gained ten pounds
That I would be good fine even if I went bankrupt
That I would be good if I lost my hair and my youth
That I would be great i if was no longer queen
That I would be grand if I was not all knowing
That I would be loved even when I numb myself
That I would be good even when I am overwhelmed
That I would be loved even when I was fuming
That I would be good even if I was clingy
That I would be good even if I lost sanity
That I would be good
whether with or without you

Alanis Morissette

I am Doomed!

Got 65.75 out of 200 in SNAP!

It snapped me out ,right?

he he he he he….!!!!

Something profound….

“Sach Mere Yaar Hai, Bas Wohi Pyaar Hai
Jiske Badle Mein Koi To Pyaar De
Baaqi Bekaar Hai, Yaar Mere….Jis Haath Mein Ik Haath Hai
Us Haath Ki Kya Baat Hai
Kya Manzilein Kya Faasle
Ik Humsafar Gar Saath Hai
Jiski Qismat Koi Yoon Sanvaar De
Vo Hi Dildaar Hai, Yaar Mere….”

These lines are oh so true. so much depeth n meaning behind these lines. Its amazing wat the comapny of someone u love does to ur whole outlook of life. Life becomes much more easier wen u have someone by ur side. Someone who returns ur love.

But the lines that befit me are the following….

“Sunte The Hum Yeh Zindagi
Gham Aur Khushi Ka Mel Hai
Humko Magar Aaya Nazar
Yeh Zindagi Voh Khel Hai
Koi Sab Jeete Sab Koi Haar De
Apni To Haar Hai, Yaar Mere….”

We all need someone by our side. even the most liberated ones need love. though they wud never ever confess.It isnt wrong to need someone in life.

last nite i asked Ashi Y he still didnt wear the watch i gifted him on his b’day.He gave me a lot of reasons…which were flimsy. i over ruled them as silly.Then in the wen he said wat he said lfet me speechless. I donno if it was lie . but it did have the effect of leaving me speechless.HE SAID THAT HE DIDNT WEAR IT COZ IT WUD CONSTANTLY REMIND HIM OF ME , and that is something he wudnt/ cant let it happen.

I wonder y he cant let that happen. maybe we ant be 2gether ever, but does that mean we need to kill our feelings for each other?Cant we keep our feelings safely tucked away in a remote corner of our hearts?

wat do u all think? was he sincere ? or did he say wat he said to get me off his back?I want to believe that he misses me. I wish we cud be 2gether again. if not together then at least keep our feelings alive n deliberately not throttle them.

Ashi congratulated me.He asked me 4 a party!

I donno if i am thrilled coz of good score or coz Ashi congratulated me n asked me 4 a party. anyways i am over the moon .

but my mom was screaming my head down coz i never practised maths seriously. i knew my score wud be pulled down coz of quant. I donno y but i am allergic to maths

I told Ashi that dont he dare tease me abt me english again.

I had gajar ka halwa today. i intook so many callories !!!

but i just cudnt stop myself. it looked sooo invitingly at me. I just cudnt resist the temptation I lllllllllluuuuuuuvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv gajar ka halwa .I hate the calories that goes with it,but then u gain something n u lose something ,right?in this case i gained some calories in favour of some ummm deliciously wicked gajar ka halwa.

ummmm…ta ra  pa pa pa…to to….I’m luving it.

cause 4 celebration

i got 81.31 percentile in CAT!!!

99.6 in verbal ability (english)!!!!

more on this later.

gotta rush to college now….